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Writing When It’s Unresolved

My daughter has a phrase she uses when something (or someone) has been bothering her and there’s no way to resolve the situation. She says with wet eyes, “It’s not closed!” A closed situation is one where you’ve found peace, the door is shut and now you can sleep easily.

Maybe you’ve had a fight with a friend or you are going through a break up or you aren’t happy with a grade or a decision you made, and now it’s haunting you like someone following you from room to room. Maybe someone (or a situation) broke your heart.

When the situation is open you are waiting, in limbo, and it keeps at you, making you obsess on little things. “It’s because I said this.” “I could’ve worn that instead” or “I should’ve double checked it” or “If only I would’ve not gone to the party that night.”

So, you might write a letter to the person. You could also talk to an empty chair pretending it’s them. Maybe you’ll have two or three chairs – one for the part of your mind that is sad and the other for the angry side and another chair for your compassionate part. (I got this idea from Dr. Richard Schwartz in his book No Bad Parts). Or you might have the person you are upset with in the chair and you finally spill everything to them and you imagine they answer back. What would they say?

Isn’t this part of what is unresolved? We don’t know why the other person is doing what they are doing? When they shut down or dissociate or lash out – we are left feeling abandoned but they seem okay, just painfully gone. What is their side of the story? Is it as bad as we imagine it to be?

So maybe you would benefit, or find some little tidbit that brings you peace, if you allow yourself to have the conversation with the person. It could be in a letter you burn later. Yes, it will be emotional but maybe it will also be cathartic.

Your peace of mind, self-esteem and clarity is worth it. Also, you could someone to talk to about this situation because other perspectives can be helpful.

– have a peaceful Sunday <3

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Free Clear Mind Therapy provides in-person therapy in Fishers & Indianapolis and online therapy across Indiana. Specializing in anxiety therapy for teens, adults, and kids.

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