14074 Trade Center Dr #145, Fishers, IN 46038, United States | 740 E. 52nd St., Indianapolis, IN 46205
Free Clear Mind (Counseling in Fishers & Indianapolis) Logo Transparent Background

Control Tactics

I made a list of tactics controlling people use to manipulate other people. These tactics tend to scramble your brain, make you feel confused, guilty or unable to stand up to the person. They are designed to keep you on ice so the manipulator has control.

  1. A spouse who insists you go to bed at the same time they do or they pout. Maybe you are tired and need to go to sleep and they want to stay up.
  2. A partner who gets upset when you don’t text back right away and starts sending “????” or “hello?” or calling your phone.
  3. Someone who grills you when you take too long (according to them). “Where were you?” “How do you think that makes me feel when you..” “Why did it take so long?”
  4. “Well, you shouldn’t have made me mad then I wouldn’t have… “ (blames you for their inappropriate behavior).
  5. Someone who changes moods quickly, keeping things always unpredictable. One minute is being helpful, the next minute blows and throw something.
  6. A person who follows you from room to room wanting to keep talking about the problem when you need a break.
  7. A friend who throws a fit whenever the focus of attention isn’t on them; like maybe you want to go see a friend or family member. Maybe you were talking to your mother/friend/sister at dinner and they got upset and jealous.
  8. Someone who is always late then makes an excuse like “we weren’t specific about the time”.
  9. On that same note, a person who leaves things very vague – that way you can’t say later “we said Monday at 8:00”. Like maybe they use the term “shortly” rather than agreeing to a time.
  10. Not talking for hours or days when they don’t get what they want.
  11. Someone who gives you lots of attention or gifts one day, then they withdraw attention totally. Hot or cold.
  12. Plays the victim rather than working on a solution.
  13. Someone who seems to make a negative comment whenever you have success of any kind. “Oh that’s nice. I bet it won’t last long though” “Well, too bad it wasn’t an A+”.
  14. Someone who is score keeping or acting in a win-lose fashion. It’s a competition rather than being collaborative.

Learn More


Free Clear Mind Therapy provides in-person therapy in Fishers & Indianapolis and online therapy across Indiana. Specializing in anxiety therapy for teens, adults, and kids.

Get Started With Therapy

Are you looking for therapy?

New and returning clients can book appointments or free consultations directly online. Prefer to send us a message?